The Holway Family

Sunday, March 8, 2015

January 2015

So last year was one crazy year and I never managed to get the blog updated. This year I'm going to attempt to at least get a monthly update, so here goes January. We had a great Christmas and rang in the New Year with our neighbors. It's the first year Mallory has stayed up until midnight and boy did we pay for it for a few days.

We found a whole series of books with Mallory's name. She loves them! The girl is just like her too.

So for the last six months we have picked one room a month to clean/de-clutter. I finally got around to sorting through the old kids clothes and had them picked up for donation. Feels so good to get rid of stuff. Seems like no matter how much stuff you get rid of, you always have too much. I'm going to continue my monthly purge through 2015 because it feels really good to get organized!

Mallory had a play date, so we invited Jared's friend Owen over for a play date. They had so much fun playing with the sand.

and Jared's new 3DS

Magna-Tiles -seriously the best toy out there!

See the bright green shirt? We were watching TV and that is Eric's college roommate Brian. It was fun to watch the game on TV (Minnesota vs. OSU) and feel like we were watching it together.

So this year we started snowboarding at Snowshoe. It is so nice to get out and be active as a family. By our last trip they were able to go down the green.

Jared- Age 4

Mallory

3DS in the downtime

You have to love when you can't even get your child's homework questions right. Apparently we all say hippos wrong. :)

We were sitting at the table and Mallory asked me how many pieces were in this bowl. I said, "probably 100." Mallory counted them and there were exactly 100. What are the chances?? Mallory thinks I'm a genius :)

Jared had been dying for a play date, so his classmates Sophie and Whitney came over. Sophie and Jared had a blast playing Wipeout on the Wii.

We have been organizing each room in the house. We had a ton of shred paper from the office, so we took it down to our fire pit and made Smore's. They were delicious.

My favorite time of the year...not! We went the car show. The kids had a great time sitting in all the cars.

Mallory thought this car was made for kids.

We went to get the oil changed in my car. They thought these chairs with trays were the greatest thing to exist. They asked if we could get them for our living room.

Our 8th anniversary dinner. It was great!

I got an Ohio State puzzle for us to do on our anniversary. We only got the edges done. Hopefully we can frame it once it's complete.

Eric got me this necklace which is the shape of an 8 and the stone for the 8th anniversary.

We went up to Snowshoe again. Jared was so tired before dinner.

Loving the big snow pile in the village.

Mallory's report card. Such a good student.

Jared made himself his own little area with all his favorite things.

Jared has been really into dressing up as a ninja and watching them on TV and acting like them.

Ohio State National Championship Game

And we go out of January with a win!!

Funny Quote of the Month

Mallory: Can you loosen Jared's ninja turtle shell so I can wear it?

Me: Did you ask him if you could wear it?

Mallory: Yes

(as I start to loosen it)

Jared: And I said, No!!

(well played Mallory)

Saturday, March 15, 2014

A Story I Wish I Didn't Have to Share

Most people think getting pregnant is fun and just happens. Maybe for some it is, but for a lot of women, this means months of temperature tracking, and suddenly becoming overly aware of every bodily symptom during what feels like the longest two weeks ever, just waiting to find out if it finally happened. After several months of this emotional roller coaster of potential excitement and then disappoint that follows, you finally get that positive you have been waiting for.

I don’t know how it is for others, but finding out we were going to have another child - even though were planning it - was exciting but also nerve-racking. I couldn’t help but panic about the life changing event that was about to happen.

Then, I immediately began wondering what gender it would be, how the kids would react, etc. I began picturing this child in every aspect of our life.

From there, all I did was worry and pray that I would have an easy pregnancy and healthy baby, but I knew, until I was holding my baby in my arms, that worrying wouldn’t go away.

Every newly pregnant woman can’t help but wonder about miscarriage. When you do the research, miscarriages happen 10% of the time in the first trimester. I was blessed with two healthy pregnancies and births in the past, so I really didn’t think it was much of a possibility.

Unfortunately, I am now part of that 10%, and it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. After all, how could something you never met, and only knew about for a short period of time, affect you that much? It doesn’t matter how far along you are, the pain is real. From the moment you find out you are pregnant, you have already started imagining this child as part of your life. This is what makes it hard.

The moment I didn’t see a heartbeat at the ultrasound, I knew. My stomach sunk and I hit a shock that I haven’t felt before. The ultrasound technician didn’t seem concerned. She just kept making statements that I was further behind than I thought. She didn’t realize I knew exactly how far along I was; there was no ‘miscalculation’. The whole drive home I tried to remain optimistic as I waited for the call from the doc to tell me exactly how far behind I was measuring. If it was measuring only a day or two behind, I could hang on for hope, but from the sounds of the tech, it wasn’t just a couple of days. As much as I wanted to remain optimistic, I just knew.

It wasn’t long after the appointment that symptoms set in full force and I knew it was over. All that excitement we had been waiting for had just turned into grief and sadness. I couldn’t help but cry, no matter how hard I tried not to. Jared instantly knew something was wrong and I just told him I was sad about the baby. I tried to just go back to working in hopes it would take my mind off of it, but I couldn’t keep it together long enough to work. I was so thankful for the beautiful day that we had so I could get outside and walk, think, and just take it all in with beauty surrounding me.

Not long after that, Mallory got home from school, and I knew I needed to tell her, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I decided to hold off so we could go to the park and enjoy what was left of the day. As soon as we got back I sat her down and just prayed the right words would come for what I was supposed to say. There isn’t a course in school for this. I just started talking. After I told her, we shared a very long sweet moment of hugging. I asked her if she had any questions. She said, "No". We started to clean up and then all of sudden I realized she had left the room. I found her upstairs crying her eyes out. Again, my heart sank all over again seeing her hurting. I wanted to take it away. I wondered if I shouldn’t have told her in the first place. Even if I hadn’t, she would have known something was wrong with me. Ultimately, I’m glad we were able to go through this together. Loss is a part of life and I can only hope I just helped her develop future coping skills.

Mallory and I talked and we decided to make a night of celebrating the little life we never got to meet. We decided on Qdoba, Yogurt Mountain, and then picking up a new game for a family game night. Holding it together while we were in public was extremely difficult. It was the first time we had seen Eric since we found out, and all it took was one hug for me to lose it. Throughout the evening, with every cramp I was constantly reminded of what was happening. Suddenly I became more aware of every pregnant woman, new baby, and all the feelings come rushing back again and again. The constant worry of whether or not it was something I did (even though 90% of miscarriages at this point are due to chromosomal defects) played over and over again in my mind. It was exhausting. By the time we were done with the evening it was 7:30. It felt like midnight.

I only told the news to a few people yesterday, but with every person I told, the feelings came back all over again. All I could think is I have hundreds of more people to tell. I felt the best way to do this was through writing . When we made the decision to tell people we were pregnant early on, many were concerned about what would happen if I had a miscarriage. Well now they know, and I don’t regret the decision to tell everyone at all. I am thankful that I told everyone. I am thankful they got to share in our excitement, and now I am thankful that they are there to pray with us and support us as we go through this part of the journey. So many women go through this, and I can’t imagine going through it alone. I don’t think many people understand the extent of what those who have a miscarriage go through.

I am so thankful for the great friends and family God has blessed me with, and I can’t help but be even more thankful that I have already been given two beautiful blessing that I get to hug and cuddle every day.

I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how long the pain lasts. However, I do know there is no doubt in my mind that I would have regretted not trying to having a third child, and I can only hope that at some point we are blessed with another healthy baby.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

September 2013

Labor Day cupcakes...we didn't have anything else to make, so we went with our monster mix.

Mallory holding baby Kate.

Every once in a while our laundry folding gets out of control...

Always makes for a good before and after.

Trying on her dress for Ashley's wedding. She wanted the bow on the front.

Mallory's first soccer game. She was so aggressive and actually made a goal. Not what were expecting at all.

Mallory and Ria

Eric got this cup for registering his tennis membership. He told me not to take it to the pool because it was really special. Low and behold, once I got out of the car, I tripped and shattered the cup. Seriously...luckily they sent us a new one.